Post Exhiliration Depression

There are a few things I wonder.

Is it normal to feel a little depressed after having a whole day of fun?

I wonder if it’s possible to outstay your welcome in your own house.

Are mothers equipped with the ability to nag at every single thing?

Sigh. I was quite happy yesterday when I bought my clothes. I couldn’t help but wonder that if I had gotten my pay on Wednesday, I would’ve shopped a little more freely. It sucks that I spent quite a lot this month. I don’t know how that happened, as I’ve always been quite careful with my money and I always have a bit left over.

Actually, I do know how it happened. It’s the same month I need to buy my contacts, and that alone costs RM60. I also met up with S thus needing to pay her back for the three books she helped me buy on discount at the MPH warehouse sales, which totalled up to RM64. Then I bought an MNG black knit top which I deem a necessity for RM35. Then that day I payed for A’s stuff because V didn’t bring any money out with him. That was RM32. I actually didn’t feel like meeting up with S for a movie even though it was free because I didn’t feel like going out to 1U again, and if I went out I’d inevitably need to spend money for lunch. I regretted suggesting sushi for lunch, because the bill came up to RM29. I also spent RM50 for the dentist appointment. Not to mention during V’s birthday early in the month I ate up to RM26. Actually that time I still had quite a lot of cash with me.

So all in all I spent close to RM350. And the month isn’t even over yet. It was a miracle I spent under RM100 for the two item of clothes yesterday. I wanted to buy a few other things, but I restrained myself because I’ve already spent so much this month. If that’s not bad enough, there’s the camera repair bill that’s RM290. Thank goodness mother is paying half for it, but I still need to withdraw some money.

Things at home aren’t quite good either. I haven’t spoken to my father for a week. I think he’s angry at me for shouting at him last week for shouting at me. It’s not my fault, really. He couldn’t find the key to the window, so he asked me where it was. I never touched that key, but I helped to see if it was in the stationery box on my table (it’s usually in the jewellery box). He immediately started shouting at me, demanding why I put the key there.

I was so shocked! I was just helping him find it, I didn’t even touch the key! I started getting angry and I shouted right back at him that I didn’t touch the bloody key. He was probably shocked that I’d raise my voice at him, so he hasn’t spoken or looked at me for the past week.

It’s not my fault. Which brings me to me wondering if I’d outstayed my welcome in this house. I already counted; I have 15 more days till I can go back to Kampar.

My Sunday is usually spent going to the mall with my parents. I don’t think that will be happening for quite some time. Other than that, I am pretty much stuck at home. As I already spent a fortune this month, I am determined to stay away from anything that’ll make me use money, which pretty much means that I won’t be going anywhere. That said, I am bored out of my mind. The wise thing to do now is to do something that’ll earn me money instead of spending it. Which means work. Unfortunately I am not really in the frame of mind for work now. What I really want to do now is go shopping. Totally out of the question, due to financial problems.

As bimbotic as it sounds, I really want to buy some tights now; a plain black one, and an argyle one. I want the tights to wear with the long top I bought yesterday. I don’t have the right heels to wear the tights with, so I’ll need to buy shoes as well. I saw a pair of light brown booties yesterday but they couldn’t fit. Therefore I want to buy a pair of booties to wear with my tights. And since the top I bought yesterday is too dark for CNY, I want to get a bright coloured top to go with the skirt I bought yesterday. And I desperately want a smocked tube top as well, in a candy colour.

There are still so many things I want to do now that I’m still in the city, but all requires money. The best thing to do is to finish up my work in a week’s time, so that I can get my pay next week. Or, I’ll have to wait for next month, when I get my allowance. That is, if my beloved father is planning on giving me money anymore.

Life in this household has been very tense. My mother takes every possible opportunity to badmouth my father and his family, or to nag at me for every single thing. I swear, everything I do requires a nag. Is it a dominant gene in mothers?

As of now, I cannot wait to get back to Kampar. However, life in Kampar means no shopping. There is online shopping, but after the two bazaars I’ve been to, it’s very hard to discern whether clothes in online boutiques look as nice in real life. I have seen a few gems online but when I see them offline, they are not quite the gems I thought they were. Perhaps it’s also the fact that some clothes look better worn than on the clothes hanger. There’s also the quality factor.

I am also having the worrying attitude that online clothes are much better than the normal clothes of Padini, Nichii, and the likes. They are becoming a little boring, I’m afraid. Am I turning into a lala, shunning normal, boring clothes? This I cannot fathom.

If I want my pay by next week, I suppose I have to start on my work now.