To love, or to stop loving.
September 12, 2008
For the past few nights, I have cried myself to sleep. I have gone to sleep thinking of sad, worrying thoughts. For the past few nights, we had not gone to sleep feeling loving for each other, except for last night.
But yet I still cried to sleep. Perhaps it’s just my problem, that I am undergoing such feelings.
I want to be perfect in his eyes, very much. That is why…a frank comment from him cracks my heart a little.
Today, he mentioned that he chatted with a girl online, and the way she talked was very cute. First he asked for my opinion, whether or not I talked like that. He copy and pasted the conversation. I said I didn’t, and I find it a tad annoying talking to people like that. He said he found it cute. I told him I don’t talk like that, and I won’t.
Then it stabbed me a little. If he continued chatting with her, will he eventually fall for her? He fell for me by talking to me a lot too. I am very afraid that he might fall for her and leave me one day.
When I told him how I felt, he chided me and said that if I was going to overreact like that every time, he’d stop sharing with me things like these.
Is how I’m feeling really stupid? I have previously lost a boyfriend to another girl. Although it was just a crush, he took months to get over her, while he was still with me. I think, probably he never got over her when we were together, till the day I left him for good.
During that agonizing seven months, I’ve cried, suffered, forgiven, and had my heart broken countless times because he liked that girl. He didn’t even go after her, he just admired her from afar, which made it even more agonizing for me. He wanted to have his cake and eat it too.
I don’t want the same thing to happen to this relationship of mine. I love him too much, and I don’t know to what lengths I will go to keep him as mine. My heart tells me to love him more, and show him how much I love him. My mind tells me to stop loving him, and prepare myself for the day that he will like another.
But I still love him.
Hey I think its very wrong for ur boyfriend to treat u the way he has. Chatting with a different gal n coming to get an opinion frm u. That is downright wrong, anyone would be upset.. If he would put himself in ur shoes, he’d undstnd ur insecurities. I think he’s being a jerk n u should watch out. Quit feelin guilty.. U’ve done nothing wrong ur a gd gal n u deserve a man who appreciates u. But u sort of need to toughen up.. This world ain easy hun, u have to learn to stand up for urself otherwise people are gonna walk all over you,like ur ex. I think u should tell ur current bf exactly what u feel, if he loves u enough..he’ll drop the whole thing n focus on u, but if he acts up..then u need to walk out with ur head held up high..u deserve the world honey..I’m a perfect stranger to so maybe u shld consider what other people thnk of u. I wish the best though.bye Zoraya